I’m here. Now what?

“Sometimes the greatest miracle is being able to face exactly where you’re at and say: This is where I am, no running, no hiding. There is gold for me here and I intend to find it, no matter what.” ~ Unknown

When I was pregnant there was a certain point about mid-way through the pregnancy that for some reason a light went off for me and I actually recall thinking with alarm, “I’m really doing this.” There was no U-turn that I could see ahead which was absolutely okay but still it was a moment of really knowing ‘there is no going back’, no running or hiding. I was becoming a mother and that was for life.

What happens though when you still can make the U-turn but know it isn’t in your best interest?

The pull of the past or a draw toward a better future is so seductive sometimes that we might forget that power is always in the present moment. It isn’t necessarily easy but it is possible to make a plan for where you are headed by using your past experiences as a guide while you consciously act from exactly where you are.

Figure out small ways to flex your muscle of presence. Maybe it is through more formal practices like yoga and meditation but maybe it’s not. Your practice might be to actively listen when your spouse speaks. It might be to resist the pull of checking email during certain times of the day with no exceptions. It might be to wash the dishes with the intention of being there for every movement. It might be to watch your breath one minute for every hour of your work day.

The want-to-be-present that lives inside your daily practice will ebb and flow. Do it anyway. Some days there will be gold. Other days you’ll act like a baby about it. Sometimes I will catch the voice inside my head negotiating out of the last ten minutes of meditation or while I’m doing a standing yoga series I’m enjoying my inner voice might already be opting out of inversions or backbends. Decide on the practice and then live up to it AND actually be there for it.

Maybe then, when it comes to the bigger things; the disappointments, the heart breaks, the devastating losses, maybe then you will have the courage and tenacity to stay the course even when all you long to do is make a U-turn.