How to Be Real

“‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” ~ Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

I used to teach yoga classes at a local Montessori pre-school. The kids were between the ages of three to five years old. There were lots of things I loved about doing this: high energy and silliness was a requirement, the kids were fun and always made me laugh so much and they also were constantly teaching me what it means to be authentic and how early many of us are trained to be someone other than who we are.

Are you a people-pleaser?

Acting ‘nice’ is generally rewarded. If you become adept at pleasing others you are likely to create more social connections than those who constantly rock the boat. Nice is nice to be around but nice also has a not-so-nice side. Nice can stand in the way of acting in accordance to your values. Nice can render you immobile when action is best for all involved. Nice can stand in the way of healthy behaviours and growth. ‘Nice’ is also not the same thing as being kind or being honest. Acting nice often comes at the cost of being authentic; aligning what you do with who you are.

Speak Your Truth: Is it true? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?

In certain circles, ‘speaking your truth’ has become a common phrase. It is often used as a counter behaviour to all the over-the-top people-pleasing. I have struggled with regarding this as a useful practice. I have sat around more than my share of healing circles where ‘speaking your truth’ was anything but healing. Instead it seemed more like a green light for poor behaviour; a way to cling to old stories, an excuse for being in judgement of others and the world, a way of talking the talk without walking it. How can that possibly serve anyone well?

Here’s what I have come to believe: speaking your truth is part of the path toward authenticity and becomes particularly valuable when grounded using the wisdom of the sensations in your body. Get in the habit of using sensations in your body as your sounding board. When you do or say something, how does it feel? Your body doesn’t lie. Does it feel true? Kind? Necessary? Does your body retract when you gossip or ignore your own needs? Pay attention. How does it feel when you honestly sing someone’s praises and support their dreams? How does it feel when you do the same for yourself? Does your body sing and bloom too?

Try it for yourself. Speak and live your truth to become real. Alienating yourself from yourself has repercussions. Start now. Practice your way into an authentic life that you love. I’m trying my best to walk that path too.