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The Snow Fairy ~ Claude McKay

Throughout the afternoon I watched them there,

Snow-fairies falling, falling from the sky,

Whirling fantastic in the misty air,

Contending fierce for space supremacy.

And they flew down a mightier force at night,

As though in heaven there was revolt and riot,

And they, frail things had taken panic flight

Down to the calm earth seeking peace and quiet.

I went to bed and rose at early dawn

To see them huddled together in a heap,

Each merged into the other upon the lawn,

Worn out by the sharp struggle, fast asleep.

The sun shone brightly on them half the day,

By night they stealthily had stol’n away.

…

What happens when you feel down about something that isn’t likely to change in the immediate future? How could meditation possibly help?

This blog post you are reading right now wasn’t what I drafted on Monday or redrafted on Wednesday. Everything I came up with to share was just a lot of blah, blah, blah.

The truth is, I’m bummed. Last Friday I taught two yoga classes and was chatting after with a friend saying how much being back since the initial five month Covid break has been very special. I have been appreciating each class and each person attending the classes beyond what I could explain. I am literally so excited to walk into the yoga studio every single day I get to teach.

I have also been in the midst of planning my 31 days of messages for the month of December and even though it was disappointing not to be handing out my little envelopes stuffed with messages this year, I’d adapted.

Yay, right? And then…last Friday afternoon (just hours after I was blabbering away about how fortunate I feel) our area moved to the ‘orange’ classification for Covid and all classes at the place I predominantly teach were cancelled. Again.

So what could sitting alone in meditation or getting on my yoga mat for my personal practice possibly do to help with my heavy heart over no longer sharing space and time with yoga students on a regular basis?

Lots.

Just as the title of this blog communicates, “Finding the good does not mean denying the difficult.” I am disappointed. I will miss having somewhere to go again. I am feeling like the winter months are looming with what is likely to hold continued and increased Covid safety measures.

The difficulties still exist but when I practise in meditation and yoga to let go of all the things my mind wants to spin out from those initial thoughts, it helps me to create enough space to also find the good that continues to exist.

Of course there are an abundance of things in my life which cultivate feelings of gratitude. Of course this is a blip in the bigger scheme of things. Of course having time to focus on other work I love, continuing to spend time outside and with my beautiful family is a blessing. The opportunity to watch how my mind processes difficulties is also something to be to truly grateful for.

In the words of Henry Miller,

“It is almost banal to say so yet it needs to be stressed continually: all is creation, all is change, all is flux, all is metamorphosis.”

Last Thursday I met my two sister’s for lunch. One of my sisters ordered and picked up the food. We all met at my other sister’s house and ate on her front porch. It was a warm day and it was so nice to be together.

We passed out the food, ate and chatted about all kinds of stuff and then my sister pulls out a little something extra out of the food bag. My eyes brightened. I really, really like these peanut butter balls with chocolate chips so when I saw (what I thought) were those sources of yum, my sister quickly informed me, “The woman at the counter said they didn’t have the peanut butter ones so I got these instead.”

Sigh.

I had bought the ‘other’ ones before too when they were out of the peanut butter balls and they were just meh. Anyway I opened the cute little box and took a bite. It was weird but the first thing I tasted was…peanut butter? So then I really poured my attention into it. What was in it? Tahini? They wouldn’t use another nut butter if it was the alternative to the peanut butter balls. Or maybe they would? Peanuts are a legume. Maybe it was almond butter? Nope. I know almond butter. I finished it off and thoughtfully chewed. I couldn’t figure it out.

I said, “These taste like the peanut butter ones.” Both of my sisters agreed. We looked at the box for ingredient info and there wasn’t any.

It was bugging me so I looked up their ingredient list online which was:

Peanut butter, honey, oats, coconut and chocolate chips

It turns out the ‘just meh’ balls are no longer even on the menu. (Apparently, the woman on cash was unaware of the change too. The coconut on the outside maybe confused things?) Regardless, the star of the show that day was in fact the peanut butter ball.

On the way to teaching a yoga class later that afternoon I was thinking about how perfectly this story aligns with how to explain ‘the watcher’ in meditation.

In the case of the peanut butter ball, my mind was still providing commentary. However, on my attempt to decipher the mystery ingredient, I allowed the commentary without being pulled away from watching.

Watching the breath is the same in meditation. It is the same as watching sensation in your yoga practice. If you work with a mantra, an imaginary or other sensory cue, it is similar. You allow the mind to do what it does; it comments and evaluates and persuades. The you that is you is not this voice in your head because you can watch the voice and direct your watching. You are something other than the voice.

In this case with the peanut butter ball, my attention was poured into my sense of taste. My mind was busy commenting on what the mystery ingredient could be or not be. It veered off into probability about substitutions for peanut allergies. I was aware of my commenting mind but I resided within my sense of taste.

This distinction between the voice in our heads and who we really are lives within this discussion. It is also where all of our barriers to peace as well as our path to authentic freedom exists. We are not our minds. The more often we practice being the watcher, the more likely we are to become aware of the power our mind chatter has over our lives.

Here’s a link to a recipe I love and fyi: it is not a peanut butter ball 🙂

https://monicaswanson.com/cookie-dough-balls-inspired-by-oh-she-glows-everyday/

No kind action ever stops with itself.
One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed.
A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.
The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.

–Amelia Earhart

In the beginning of November I am usually busy cutting and folding and taping tiny messages to fit into small envelopes that I hand out in yoga classes the last week of the month. There are 31 messages; one for each day in December. Some are quotes about kindness and gratitude and others are invitations to kind acts. The envelopes take a lot of time but I love creating them. I haven’t tired of it over the years. I enjoy creating a fresh take on what to include in the envelopes, I cherish the time I spend with those who agree to help and I love, love, love handing them out.

This year will be different. I won’t be handing out envelopes but I still hope, as a community, we will use the month of December as a way to spread kindness. This week I will create the prompts that I will send out each day in December to be shared on this blog so that each one of us can ‘throw out roots in all directions’ and see what new trees spring forth in 2021.

Send me any suggestions through the blog or email me directly.

Much love…happy snowy November 2 🙂

When I was in my twenties I lived in Toronto. I used to drive to work just outside of the city. One sunny morning during my commute, I had my window open and I was singing away when all of a sudden traffic came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t see what had happened up ahead but soon after I watched emergency vehicle after emergency vehicle race by. For the next two hours, traffic remained at a dead stop.

I didn’t have a cell phone at the time so I stressed out for most of the two hours worrying about what I would say to my boss for being soooo late. What made things worse is that even when we started moving again, traffic simply crawled with everyone looking at whatever the hold up was. I recall being so annoyed and thinking, “Doesn’t everyone else have somewhere they need to be?”

Finally, two fairly smashed up cars that were pulled off to the side came into view. There was debris all over the road even though it looked like it had been hosed down. I wondered if anyone had been hurt. It is sometimes hard to know with a car crash.

That’s when I noticed, what I thought was, a twisted fender. The sun was shining off of it and it made it hard to tell what part of the car had been torn off with it. As I drove up closer, I was just like all the other rubber-neckers looking at the scene. I couldn’t turn my gaze away until I realized that the twisted fender wasn’t a fender at all. It was what had once been a motorcycle. There was no longer any doubt in my mind if someone had been hurt.

I know I drove very, very carefully that day and for many days and weeks after that. I felt grateful for everything. I was determined to get crap done. I was crossing stuff off my to-do lists like crazy. Eventually though, I returned to feeling more like an invincible twenty-something who had all the time in the world and who once again became irritated with traffic, who passed when I maybe shouldn’t have and who enjoyed speeding when traffic opened up.

Don’t we all have a version of this shake-awake moment when we vow to take care of business in a way we know we are capable of but then promptly go back to sleep with loosely held promises of ‘someday’, ‘maybe when’ and “I want to”? Aren’t we all, right now, living in a shake-awake series of moments? (Isn’t every moment potentially our last anyway?)

What if…each time you put on a mask or took one off, or have the realization, “that won’t be happening this year,” that you reaffirm your commitment to doing the one thing that you know in your heart you must. What if we all used Covid to catapult us into being completely alive inside the life we might be half living.

Like the song linked below reminds us…“..we are here for a good time. Not a long time…”

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope that whatever you have been up to this weekend, it has brought you deep joy and a connection with yourself, others and this incredible season.

In this post, I share a gratitude practice and a recipe. Both are simple and delicious.

Gratitude Practice

Each night before bedtime at my house we do, what has come to be known as, ‘thankful’. It started when my daughter was learning to speak and she loved to tell us (anything) but also what she was grateful for. Some nights she would surprise us by saying things that were entirely her own and wise like when she was a toddler she once said she was grateful for “clean water to drink”. She often was also a beautiful example for us of how to naturally live in the moment, like saying she was thankful for what we ate for dinner, being tickled (two minutes before) and warm blankets.

Our ‘thankful’ practice has changed over the years while also remaining a valuable way to connect and reflect on the beautiful aspects of life that live inside every single day. It helps my husband and I through difficult moments in our parenting and in our marriage. My daughter likes that we gather as a family before going to bed. (I just asked her.) I like it for a similar reason; it allows each of us to feel heard and to connect before we fall asleep. It has become a ritual that we do most nights even if we are travelling so that a little bit of home is with us no matter where we are. Even on nights when bedtime feels like the last thing to do on a long list or on nights when one or more of us is grumpy and doesn’t want to do it…it is a small step back toward each other and toward a recognition that there is so much to be thankful for.

How to do it…

Verbally share what you are thankful for without resorting to a rote listing of things that is the same each night. That’s it. We make sure that there are at least three fresh things from the day. If you are living on your own, or your significant others aren’t having any part of this, keep a small notebook beside your bed and write a list before you go to sleep. Easy. The benefits are felt in the moment and often during your day as your brain takes notice of little things to use for your thankful list later.

Apple Crisp

So I recently baked my own made-up version of apple crisp that turned out so delicious that I want everyone to make it and eat it and then tell me about it. If you love recipes that are forgiving and freely adaptable this might be the non-recipe for you. Take out a bunch of like ingredients, taste along the way and substitute to your heart’s content.

Ingredient Suggestions: Cooking apples or whatever kind you have, coconut oil and/or butter, cinnamon, nutmeg, brown sugar, oats, flour, pecans or other nuts you like, salt, vanilla and maple syrup.

The Apples: Butter up an 8 x 8 with coconut oil or butter and fill almost to the top with peeled and sliced apples. I used cortland apples so I didn’t have to use anything to absorb excess liquid but if you use juicy apples add ground chia seeds, cornstarch or tapioca. I mixed in cinnamon, a little nutmeg and brown sugar swerve to-taste. Note: Swerve is a sugar replacement I use sometimes…I chose it here because I don’t hold back on the maple syrup in the crumble part and because I like it. I also greased the baking dish with coconut oil but used butter in the crumble.

The Crumble: Equal parts oats, spelt flour (I have also made this with almond flour too) and pecans broken into pieces (I did a cup of each but you might like more crumble), I added cinnamon and a grind or two of sea salt and then I moistened and mixed it all with a splash of vanilla and more than a splash of maple syrup and then diced in some chilled butter. Throw this onto the apples and bake at 375F or 190C for about a half hour or until apples have softened and the crisp part is crisp.

The Eating: How yum is this? Who needs a traditional recipe for apple crisp? We ate ours warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Enjoy 🙂

Is bravery required to live the best version of your life? What does being brave even mean anyway? Do personal practices that provide insight, like meditation, bring us home to who we really are? And does this allow us to make the brave choices we must make if we want to grow and live our lives with open arms and hearts?

I am part of a writing group and our prompt for this week was to choose a quality and write about it as if it were a person. I chose the word bravery. Here’s what I submitted:

Bravery lives in a house she built herself. Her neighbour, Insight, lives to the East. Fear, is her neighbour to the West.

Bravery’s skin is positively luminous when she speaks to Insight over the fence. Insight is the neighbour who gives the best advice. Bravery basks in her wisdom from the inside out.

When I visit, Bravery is patient with my childish assumptions about Fear. I imagine she flirts with Fear relentlessly. He’s dangerously attractive, knows what to do about everything and could help her to be taken seriously beyond her property lines. I imagine marriage between them someday as an honourable privilege since he is already a decorated war hero. I imagine him smiling seductively one night after the sun has set, whispering, ‘How ‘bout you feel the fear and do it anyway, baby?’

I am getting to know Bravery a little better all the time though. She’s a grownup. I bet she would laugh (a big, beautiful, honest laugh), if she knew what I really thought went on between her and Fear.

The truth is, Bravery doesn’t trust Fear when Insight isn’t home. She locks the doors and pulls the blinds. I’ve seen it happen.

“Fear is a useful neighbour,” she tells me gently one day. “He warns if there are intruders and other dangers but he sure knows how to suck the joy out of everything with his intimidation tactics.”

“No, the only flirting I’ve done,” she adds, “is with the idea of taking down my fences on both sides.”

What would it be like to welcome insight into your life and to use fear’s guidance instead of allowing fear to use you? Let me know what you think. Enjoy your week 🙂

Much love, Katherine